Alice Ellis
New Member
I have been wondering recently just how common it must be for phobias to be linked to the behaviour and actions of parents during childhood.
For example, I am now (after several years of giving this some serious consideration) sure that most (if not all) of my phobias originated with my mother. I have anxieties relating to dogs/cows/horses/death/flying and throughout my child (wonderful woman that she was),she constantly told me 'don't touch that, don't do that, don't get too close' or any one of a number of terrible things would happen to me.
The things is, my phobias are not linked to any past experience or trauma (never been bitten by a dog, chased by a cow, experienced serious turbulence, fallen in deep water, etc) - they are all just things my mother was so desperate to protect me from that she actually ended up causing them be to become inextricably linked with mortal danger in my eyes.
Now, I cross the road if I see a stranger with a dog approaching. I cannot swim. I avoid any animal larger than a cat (even sheep make me nervous) and I get extremely anxious every time that I fly.
I feel no anger or resentment towards my mother (she died when I was a teenager),but I do wish that I could have had a chance to explain to her what impact her own intense fear of the world has had on her child.
The good thing to come out of this though is the fact that I understand my anxieties in a way that I don't think she ever understood hers, and for that reason I am going to do my best to allow any children that I have to be bold and courageous and tough, to make sensible decisions, but to ultimately think of themselves as fearless.
Has anybody else ever looked back on a parent/loved one and realised that they might have been phobic but never realised it? Or come to terms with the fact that a phobia may have sprung from a parent?
For example, I am now (after several years of giving this some serious consideration) sure that most (if not all) of my phobias originated with my mother. I have anxieties relating to dogs/cows/horses/death/flying and throughout my child (wonderful woman that she was),she constantly told me 'don't touch that, don't do that, don't get too close' or any one of a number of terrible things would happen to me.
The things is, my phobias are not linked to any past experience or trauma (never been bitten by a dog, chased by a cow, experienced serious turbulence, fallen in deep water, etc) - they are all just things my mother was so desperate to protect me from that she actually ended up causing them be to become inextricably linked with mortal danger in my eyes.
Now, I cross the road if I see a stranger with a dog approaching. I cannot swim. I avoid any animal larger than a cat (even sheep make me nervous) and I get extremely anxious every time that I fly.
I feel no anger or resentment towards my mother (she died when I was a teenager),but I do wish that I could have had a chance to explain to her what impact her own intense fear of the world has had on her child.
The good thing to come out of this though is the fact that I understand my anxieties in a way that I don't think she ever understood hers, and for that reason I am going to do my best to allow any children that I have to be bold and courageous and tough, to make sensible decisions, but to ultimately think of themselves as fearless.
Has anybody else ever looked back on a parent/loved one and realised that they might have been phobic but never realised it? Or come to terms with the fact that a phobia may have sprung from a parent?
