concerned about my brother

[lisa]

Hi room, I am writing this post as i am very concerned about my brother he is 31 and scared to leave home due to anxiety which he can not be around people for long as it makes him panicy and think everyone is laughing at him, this is not very nice to see him like this, please help.

 

[Jade]

Hi Lisa welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear about your brother a lot of us on this forum know suffering with anxiety isn’t easy and can cause worry for our families. Keep being supportive and let him know your there for him when he needs you that will give him a sense of stability if he knows he has people around him who support him and are willing to listen. Has your brother had any professional help for his anxiety? If this is an issue that is effecting his life severely he can get medical support.

 

[lisa]

Hi Lisa welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear about your brother a lot of us on this forum know suffering with anxiety isn’t easy and can cause worry for our families. Keep being supportive and let him know your there for him when he needs you that will give him a sense of stability if he knows he has people around him who support him and are willing to listen. Has your brother had any professional help for his anxiety? If this is an issue that is effecting his life severely he can get medical support.

Hi there, firstly thank you for your reply it is much appreciated, I understand what you are saying it is good advice but my brother is receiving support from his worker and he is trying to help get his confidence back but my brother makes excuses to not do the tasks he is set, I am worried he will never get better

 

[Jade]

Hi there, firstly thank you for your reply it is much appreciated, I understand what you are saying it is good advice but my brother is receiving support from his worker and he is trying to help get his confidence back but my brother makes excuses to not do the tasks he is set, I am worried he will never get better

Sorry to hear that his worker isn’t helping him. I’m assuming the reason your brother is trying to get out of his set tasks is due to fear. If your brother is just relying on the tasks his worker gives him it may also be beneficial if he tries other coping techniques for himself if he’s not doing so already. Please remember that getting anxiety and other issues under control is a slow process, it won’t happen overnight so try not to worry about him not ever getting better and try to keep positive for him and for yourself

 

[lisa]

Hi again, yes the worker is very good but my brother does not help himself and its like he does not want to get better

 

[Jade]

Again Lisa, the reason your brother doesn’t seem to want to help himself could be due to fear. He may be worried about failing or perhaps he’s feeling negative himself about this ability to get better so he doesn’t put in enough effort to do so. The important thing is yo try not get frustrated with him even if you feel like he isn’t trying to help himself. Doing these tasks and taking these steps are probably a very daunting thought to him. I always say that believing in yourself and positivity is the key to success in controlling your phobias. Maybe you could recommend this site to your brother he may find some of the topics on here useful as well as being able to engage with like minded people.

 

[lisa]

Again Lisa, the reason your brother doesn’t seem to want to help himself could be due to fear. He may be worried about failing or perhaps he’s feeling negative himself about this ability to get better so he doesn’t put in enough effort to do so. The important thing is yo try not get frustrated with him even if you feel like he isn’t trying to help himself. Doing these tasks and taking these steps are probably a very daunting thought to him. I always say that believing in yourself and positivity is the key to success in controlling your phobias. Maybe you could recommend this site to your brother he may find some of the topics on here useful as well as being able to engage with like minded people.

Hi again, yes I understand that, how do I get him to be more positive , I can not suggest this site to him because he does not know I come on here , and I don't want him to have more to worry about knowing that I am worrying

 

[Jade]

Hi again, yes I understand that, how do I get him to be more positive , I can not suggest this site to him because he does not know I come on here , and I don't want him to have more to worry about knowing that I am worrying

You could keep positive around him and about his anxiety and encourage him to do the same. Try make him see that his life doesn’t have to stop because of anxiety.Why don’t you read some of the posts on here yourself and try and discuss them with him.Maybe you could say to your brother you have heard about forums like this and you think they could be beneficial to him? That way you can suggest an online community such as this one without letting him know you’ve actually been on here yourself

 

[Mark]

Hi Lisa

First of all welcome to the forum and I really feel for your situation (you and your brother).

First of all, the fear of him never getting better is understandable but I know he will get better, I have been there in the past and got myself through it with the help of friends, family and professional help. If I could put myself in the mindset of your brother (which is exactly where I was) he feels that home is his safety blanket and his safe haven. This is probably the only place he feels in control and away from the outside world - as you will see for yourself anxiety is a terrible condition and only those who have experienced it or seen someone close to them suffering will actually understand. We are all different but I will list some of the actions which I took to overcome my anxiety and leave it in my past:-

Is your brother sleeping? I struggled to sleep when suffering from anxiety and this was one of the first things I addressed. I spoke with my doctor who gave me a short term stock of pills to take the edge off my anxiety which slowly improved my sleeping pattern. A lack of sleep is one of the main components of any mental health condition - unless addressed at an early stage it can make things seem many many times worse.

Speaking about your concerns is also one of the first steps - does you brother open up to you? Maybe he would open up to his doctor or a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist (CBT)?

Taking the focus away from his anxiety - one thing which helped me immensely was having something else to focus on, whether this is a friend in trouble, something I could do to help a friend or family member, exercise and I have to say my little dog was a godsend to spend time with. Every minute that I was not focused upon my anxiety was a step in the direction and very quickly the minutes grew in number and then suddenly I was not focused upon my anxiety 24/7 and was then able to be rational about what I was worried about - nothing.

One of the first questions my therapist asked me was "So what are you worried about?" I told him I was worried about going to the shops where there are many people and he asked why. I stopped and thought, mmmm what am I worried about? I said I was concerned about talking to people and he said all you have to do is say "Hi" or even smile and nod your head when passing. This was a major step for me, what was I really worried about? Breaking the cycle of worry is vital.

I will add more comments about my experiences as we go along (I hope they help you) but I don't want to overload you with comments in one go.

 

[Jade]

So what are you worried about?" I told him I was worried about going to the shops where there are many people and he asked why. I stopped and thought, mmmm what am I worried about?

Some excellent advice there Mark and for me the advice you gave that I’ve re-quoted above has really got me thinking. I’d love to incorporate that into my thoughts and get myself into the habit of thinking wait why am I worried? Whats the worst that can happen? Easier said then done of course because my mind automatically looks for the worst case scenario even if it’s not necessarily realistic but I’m certainly going to give this thought process a try.

 

[Mark]

It worked for me Jade - made me reconsider what I was actually worried about and the result, I was worried about nothing in particular. That was the first step on the road to recovery for me

 

[Jade]

It worked for me Jade - made me reconsider what I was actually worried about and the result, I was worried about nothing in particular. That was the first step on the road to recovery for me

That’s great and I can see why it would work. May I ask Mark did you find yourself searching for a reason to worry or thinking of something bad that could happen? If you do, do you have any advice on how to stop your mind from building up a negative picture and finding something to worry about? Would be very much appreciated if you do have any tips

 

[Mark]

Jade, it is funny that you ask this question because the answer is YES - at my worst I started thinking about things which I could worry about which were not even an issue, even making things up in my head to justify why I was anxious. I remember on more than one occasion waking up in the morning and feeling strange, relaxed but anxious - I actually realised that I had nothing to worry about and that made me anxious. Years of over thinking everything had finally caught up with me and now I was worried because I had nothing to worry about! Can you relate to that Jade? If so, I guarantee that you are on the road to recovery.

I managed to escape the negativity which these thoughts breed by slowly but surely taking back control of my life, concentrating on family and friends, my business and starting to rebuild my social life again. I am/was always a very happy go lucky outgoing person but managed to hide the anxiety issues for many years. It was only when I tackled the issue head on that I began to make progress and feel better about my life and myself.

 

[Jade]

Jade, it is funny that you ask this question because the answer is YES - at my worst I started thinking about things which I could worry about which were not even an issue, even making things up in my head to justify why I was anxious. I remember on more than one occasion waking up in the morning and feeling strange, relaxed but anxious - I actually realised that I had nothing to worry about and that made me anxious. Years of over thinking everything had finally caught up with me and now I was worried because I had nothing to worry about! Can you relate to that Jade? If so, I guarantee that you are on the road to recovery.

I managed to escape the negativity which these thoughts breed by slowly but surely taking back control of my life, concentrating on family and friends, my business and starting to rebuild my social life again. I am/was always a very happy go lucky outgoing person but managed to hide the anxiety issues for many years. It was only when I tackled the issue head on that I began to make progress and feel better about my life and myself.

Yes I can relate to that Mark. If I’m feeling particularly happy one day it’s like my mind tries to find something to worry about. I kind of start thinking of things that I might need to worry about so I start naturally worrying about them. The mind is intriguing but it’s also cruel. So if I’m trying to find something to worry about then that's a good sign that I’m on the road to recovery? If so that's great news!!Thank you Mark

 

[lisa]

Hi Lisa

First of all welcome to the forum and I really feel for your situation (you and your brother).

First of all, the fear of him never getting better is understandable but I know he will get better, I have been there in the past and got myself through it with the help of friends, family and professional help. If I could put myself in the mindset of your brother (which is exactly where I was) he feels that home is his safety blanket and his safe haven. This is probably the only place he feels in control and away from the outside world - as you will see for yourself anxiety is a terrible condition and only those who have experienced it or seen someone close to them suffering will actually understand. We are all different but I will list some of the actions which I took to overcome my anxiety and leave it in my past:-

Is your brother sleeping? I struggled to sleep when suffering from anxiety and this was one of the first things I addressed. I spoke with my doctor who gave me a short term stock of pills to take the edge off my anxiety which slowly improved my sleeping pattern. A lack of sleep is one of the main components of any mental health condition - unless addressed at an early stage it can make things seem many many times worse.

Speaking about your concerns is also one of the first steps - does you brother open up to you? Maybe he would open up to his doctor or a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist (CBT)?

Taking the focus away from his anxiety - one thing which helped me immensely was having something else to focus on, whether this is a friend in trouble, something I could do to help a friend or family member, exercise and I have to say my little dog was a godsend to spend time with. Every minute that I was not focused upon my anxiety was a step in the direction and very quickly the minutes grew in number and then suddenly I was not focused upon my anxiety 24/7 and was then able to be rational about what I was worried about - nothing.

One of the first questions my therapist asked me was "So what are you worried about?" I told him I was worried about going to the shops where there are many people and he asked why. I stopped and thought, mmmm what am I worried about? I said I was concerned about talking to people and he said all you have to do is say "Hi" or even smile and nod your head when passing. This was a major step for me, what was I really worried about? Breaking the cycle of worry is vital.

I will add more comments about my experiences as we go along (I hope they help you) but I don't want to overload you with comments in one go.

Hi there, firstly thank you for your good advice yes my brother has had trouble sleeping he is on medication but can get quite irratable and start winding my other brother and my mum up and taking it out on them, what do you suggest for this?

 

[lisa]

You could keep positive around him and about his anxiety and encourage him to do the same. Try make him see that his life doesn’t have to stop because of anxiety.Why don’t you read some of the posts on here yourself and try and discuss them with him.Maybe you could say to your brother you have heard about forums like this and you think they could be beneficial to him? That way you can suggest an online community such as this one without letting him know you’ve actually been on here yourself

hi again, my brother has dislexia and this makes him lose his confidence even more, what do you suggest to help here?

 

[Jade]

hi again, my brother has dislexia and this makes him lose his confidence even more, what do you suggest to help here?

Hi Lisa. I can understand that must be difficult for your brother and it’s a shame that his dyslexia makes him lose his confidence because so many successful people have dyslexia and have openly discussed it. Albert Eisenstein and Da Vinci had dyslexia- two geniuses in their chosen field.
Here’s a huge list with other famous people- http://www.thepowerofdyslexia.com/famous-dyslexics/
If your brother has trouble reading there are many self help videos on anxiety he could watch ( try youtube)

 

[Jade]

Hi there, firstly thank you for your good advice yes my brother has had trouble sleeping he is on medication but can get quite irratable and start winding my other brother and my mum up and taking it out on them, what do you suggest for this?

Sorry to hear that Lisa. One of the reasons he could be taking things about on your other family members is because he’s frustrated. Perhaps he feels ( even though it may not be true) that your brother and mum don’t understand him and he’s starting to feel resentful because of that. I’d suggest having a word with your mum and other brother and advise them when he gets like this to sit him down and talk to him, ask him how he’s feeling and try and get him to open up.

 

[lisa]

1. Sorry to hear that Lisa. One of the reasons he could be taking things about on your other family members is because he’s frustrated. Perhaps he feels ( even though it may not be true) that your brother and mum don’t understand him and he’s starting to feel resentful because of that. I’d suggest having a word with your mum and other brother and advise them when he gets like this to sit him down and talk to him, ask him how he’s feeling and try and get him to open up.

   Hi jade, thank you again for good advice much appreciated he will not talk to anyone when he gets like that im also worried that his medication is not helping him because he seems be going backwards rather than forward
   

 

[lisa]

Sorry to hear that Lisa. One of the reasons he could be taking things about on your other family members is because he’s frustrated. Perhaps he feels ( even though it may not be true) that your brother and mum don’t understand him and he’s starting to feel resentful because of that. I’d suggest having a word with your mum and other brother and advise them when he gets like this to sit him down and talk to him, ask him how he’s feeling and try and get him to open up.

could you please give me some links to some videos i can show him that might make him realise what he is doing